I remember wonderful times - I was innocent and curious and happy and trusting (Smiles! The words just don't stop - vivacious, bubbly, energetic, social, loving, caring, active, popular...). I had huge dreams of the life to come - a happy simple life with adventure, nature and greenery, intellectual stimulation, family and kids, a lovely well stacked library, gardens with seasonal flowers.
I remember dancing beautifully, truly elegantly, and without feeling self-conscious. I enjoyed it so much.
I remember wanting to do so much - I was in school then and all our friends had Kinetic Hondas - we wanted to do a ride till Goa on our scoots. We used to call the scooters "Pundi's" at that time, knowing well how puny and powerless they were.
I remember wanting to learn 5 different languages and wanting to keep 5 big cuddly loving dogs!! I remember whistling for hours on end, standing at the terrace of our first floor house, unknowingly scandalising the local "raddi" vendors as they did their rounds in our lane. I remember it growing dark on that terrace, remember how I would stare up into the sky and wander off into my own world - I wish i could remember what it was that I thought about then.
I remember picturing how I would be when I grow old, who all I would be with and planning the smaller details of that picture as well - the rocking chair I'd sit on, the beer in my hand, or instead, knitting needles (!)
There was so much hope and excitement in everything. I pine for that enthusiasm - it almost bordered on desperation for things, but it was wonderful!
Today I felt an urge to start writing - its a feeling that comes off and on, but its usually shrugged off like a child's passing wish. I guess I never realised how important these "Child's Passing Wishes" are. How very much I miss them indeed :)
Life still has its ups and downs, nothing has changed drastically - but for fear of disappointment, my dreams are nipped in the bud, never to be pondered upon on a dark night while I whistle and stare at the sky. Tskk! Even whistling and dreaming are out of bounds, for they take you to promising lands where promises may still be broken...
This reminds me of the movie Shrek. Donkey is my HERO :) No matter how many painful blows Shrek hurled at him, he was always full of life, with a sparkle in his (eyes?) TEETH :D
